How to Fix Your Marriage When It Feels Too Broken to Save

Marriage is beautiful, but it’s also hard. Every couple goes through seasons of struggle—whether it’s communication issues, intimacy challenges, financial stress, or even the pain of betrayal. The good news? Your marriage isn’t beyond repair.

Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo, founders of One Extraordinary Marriage, have been through it all—pornography addiction, the loss of a child, deep disconnection—and yet, they came out stronger. In this article, we’ll explore real solutions to common marriage struggles, using their wisdom and experience to help you rebuild trust, rekindle intimacy, and restore your relationship.

One of the most painful experiences in marriage is feeling like your spouse is emotionally distant or checked out. You may be asking:

• Why don’t they engage in conversations anymore?
• Do they even care about fixing our marriage?
• Should I keep trying if they’re not putting in effort?

What You Can Do

✅ Focus on your part of the relationship – You can’t control their actions, but you can change how you show up. Small consistent efforts can reawaken their desire to engage.

✅ Identify the root cause – Is it stress, resentment, past hurt? Getting to the “why” is the first step to reconnecting.

✅ Use the power of small gestures – As Tony shared, even simple physical touch, like placing a hand on your spouse’s knee while driving, can rebuild connection over time.

✅ Seek counseling or mentorship – Sometimes, a neutral third party (whether a pastor, therapist, or trusted couple) can help break the cycle of disengagement.

❗ Key Insight: Even when your spouse is distant, small daily acts of love and patience can start pulling them back.

Trust is the foundation of a healthy marriage, but what happens when it’s broken? Whether it’s due to pornography, emotional neglect, or other betrayals, restoring trust takes time, consistency, and vulnerability.

What You Can Do

✅ Complete transparency – As Tony shared, his pornography addiction nearly destroyed their marriage, but the turning point came when he chose to be completely open and honest about his struggles.

✅ Take responsibility for rebuilding – Whether you broke the trust or were the one hurt, both partners must be intentional about healing.

✅ Let actions rebuild what words can’t – Words are powerful, but trust is rebuilt by consistent, trustworthy behavior over time.

✅ Forgive, but don’t ignore the process – Forgiveness is a decision, but healing takes time, boundaries, and effort.

❗ Key Insight: Trust isn’t rebuilt overnight, but it can be restored when both partners commit to honesty, accountability, and healing.

Feeling like your marriage is on the verge of collapse can be overwhelming. If you’re asking, “Should we divorce?” or “Is there any hope left?”—pause. There’s still a chance to turn things around.

What You Can Do

✅ Delay any permanent decisions – As the podcast host shared, many couples file for divorce in January, but he often tells them, “Give me until February.” Sometimes, just holding on a little longer gives God time to work.

✅ Have a real, raw conversation – It might be uncomfortable, but ask each other, “Do we want to fight for this?”

✅ Identify the #1 issue causing the breakdown – Is it communication, intimacy, finances, trust? Tackle the biggest problem first.

✅ Find mentors or resources – Whether it’s books like The Six Pillars of Intimacy or listening to real couples who overcame struggles, learning from others can provide a roadmap.

❗ Key Insight: Divorce may feel like the only way out, but healing often starts with one intentional step forward.

If you feel disconnected, it’s easy to assume the love is gone. But in reality, marriages don’t fall apart from a lack of love—they fall apart from a lack of connection.

What You Can Do

❤️ Rediscover small, meaningful touches – Physical intimacy isn’t just about sex. As Alisa explained, holding hands, hugging, and casual touch can rebuild emotional closeness.

❤️ Schedule regular check-ins – Sit down without distractions and ask, “How are you really feeling about us?”

❤️ Do something fun together – Shared experiences create new positive memories that can replace negative ones.

❤️ Pray together – Even if it feels awkward at first, inviting God into your marriage can shift everything.

❗ Key Insight: Reconnection doesn’t require a grand gesture—it starts with small, daily choices to engage.

Arguments in marriage aren’t bad—they’re necessary for growth. But if every conversation turns into a fight, something needs to change.

What You Can Do

✅ Break the cycle – If every disagreement feels like a battle, pause and ask, “Are we fighting each other or fighting for our marriage?”

✅ Choose curiosity over defensiveness – Instead of assuming, ask, “Help me understand why you feel this way.”

✅ Don’t fight when emotions are high – Take a break, breathe, and come back when you’re both calm.

✅ Look at the bigger picture – Will this argument matter in 5 years? If not, let it go.

❗ Key Insight: Winning a fight doesn’t mean winning in marriage. Choose peace over proving a point.

Divorce feels final, but many couples who almost divorced later say they’re glad they didn’t. If you’re thinking, “Is it too late?”—it’s not.

What You Can Do

✅ Find one thing worth fighting for – As Tony and Alisa say, “If we can impact one marriage, it’s worth it.” Make yours that marriage.

✅ Identify the biggest cracks in your intimacy – The Six Pillars framework (emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, recreational, sexual) can help you pinpoint where to start healing.

✅ Commit to 30-60-90 days of effort – Instead of making a permanent decision in a temporary season, commit to 30-90 days of intentional work on your marriage.

❗ Key Insight: Many couples give up when breakthrough is just around the corner. Give it time.

If you’re struggling, you are not alone. Many couples—like Tony and Alisa—have walked through pornography addiction, loss, and near-divorce but came out stronger than ever.

Take the first step. Buy The Six Pillars of Intimacy, listen to the One Extraordinary Marriage podcast, or reach out to a trusted counselor or mentor.

Most importantly, don’t give up before the breakthrough.

“Who’s the one couple who will walk out of this season transformed?”
Let it be you.