How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt Me: A Biblical and Psychological Perspective

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things we are called to do—especially when the pain is deep, the betrayal is personal, and the person who hurt us doesn’t seem to care. You may be wondering:

• How do I forgive someone who isn’t sorry?
• What does the Bible say about forgiveness when I’m still angry?
• Can I forgive without forgetting?

Kent Whitaker’s powerful story of forgiveness, shared on Backstage with Randy Phillips, reveals that true forgiveness is not just a human effort—it requires supernatural help from God. His testimony reminds us that forgiveness isn’t about excusing the offense—it’s about finding freedom from the weight of anger, bitterness, and pain.

Let’s break this down into practical steps, using both psychological principles and biblical truth.

Forgiveness is not a one-time event; it’s a process. Here’s where to start:

1. Acknowledge the Hurt – You can’t forgive what you won’t face.
2. Give Yourself Permission to Feel – Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring your emotions.
3. Make a Choice to Forgive – It’s not about your feelings; it’s about obedience and healing.
4. Ask God for Help – Real forgiveness is supernatural.
5. Release the Offender’s Power Over You – Holding onto resentment keeps you chained to them.

Bible Verse for Forgiveness When You’re Still Angry

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:32

You don’t have to feel forgiving to start the process—God meets us in our willingness.

Anger is a natural response to being wronged, but staying angry only hurts you. Kent Whitaker’s story teaches us that anger can consume you—until you invite God into the process.

Psychology says:

• Unforgiveness leads to stress and anxiety—your body holds onto pain.
• Anger keeps you emotionally tied to the person who hurt you.
• Forgiveness is not approval; it’s releasing their control over your peace.

Biblical truth:
Romans 12:19 – “Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.”
•Ephesians 4:26 – “Be angry, but do not sin.”

? Practical Step: Write a letter listing everything they took from you. Then, at the bottom, write: I choose to forgive you for all of this.

It doesn’t mean they’re off the hook. It means you’re releasing yourself from carrying their offense.

Forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. If someone has repeatedly hurt you in a relationship, you need both boundaries and wisdom.

Can I forgive but still protect myself?

Yes! Forgiveness doesn’t mean:
❌ Ignoring red flags
❌ Staying in an unsafe situation
❌ Pretending it never happened

Forgiveness does mean:
✅ Releasing resentment
✅ Letting God handle justice
✅ Setting healthy emotional boundaries

Bible Verse About Forgiving Someone Who Hurt You

“But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” — Matthew 6:15

? Practical Step: If someone is toxic or dangerous, you can forgive them in your heart without restoring the relationship. Set boundaries and trust God with justice.

This may be the hardest part. What if they don’t care that they hurt you?

Kent Whitaker faced this firsthand—his own son orchestrated the murder of his wife and younger son. Through supernatural intervention, God gave him the ability to forgive.

Psychology of Forgiveness:

• Forgiveness is for your healing, not theirs.
• Holding a grudge keeps you emotionally stuck in the past.
• Unforgiveness only punishes you, not them.

Bible Verse on Letting Go of Hurt

“Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.” — 1 Peter 5:7

? Practical Step: If they never apologize, pray this daily:
“God, I release this person into Your hands. I choose to forgive, even if I don’t feel it yet. Change my heart.”

Forgiving doesn’t mean the pain vanishes overnight. Healing is a journey.

Steps to Emotional Healing After Forgiveness:

1. Allow yourself to grieve – Loss of trust, security, or innocence is real.
2. Surround yourself with support – Healing happens in community.
3. Pray for peace daily – Forgiveness may need to be renewed often.
4. Look for the bigger picture – God can use even pain for a greater purpose.

Kent Whitaker’s story proves that God can do the impossible—even help you forgive the unforgivable. His radical act of grace changed lives, softened hearts, and ultimately led to his son’s death sentence being commuted.

You might not be able to forgive on your own. That’s okay. You weren’t meant to.

Forgiveness is a supernatural act. God does the work; we just surrender to it.

If you’re struggling to forgive:
? Ask God to change your heart.
? Write the letter of forgiveness, even if you’re not ready.
? Pray for freedom, not just justice.

You don’t have to stay stuck in bitterness. God has something better for you.

Listen to the full episode of Backstage with Randy Phillips featuring Kent Whitaker. His testimony will challenge, inspire, and help you step into supernatural forgiveness.

To hear all the details of Kent's powerful story of struggle, loss and forgiveness - get a copy of "Murder by Family" by Kent Whitaker that he released in 2008.