What Does Submission in Marriage Really Mean?

The Bible mentions the word “submission” several times in the context of marriage.  Culture frowns on this word given its misuse and archaic understanding.  Submission?  I don’t think so!
 
Submission in marriage when practiced correctly, it creates harmony, mutual respect, and growth. At its core, submission in marriage is not about dominance or control but about mutual sacrifice and selflessness, fostering a deeper connection between spouses.  You can likely look at your family of origin and see how submission was not practiced correctly.
 
The Bible provides a framework for understanding submission, particularly in Ephesians 5:21, which says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This verse highlights that submission is not a one-sided act but a reciprocal choice that reflects humility and love.
 
Ephesians 5 also tells the husband to submit to Christ as he leads his family forward.
Colossians 3:18, “Wives submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”
1 Peter 3:1, “Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands..”
 
But what is true biblical submission?
 
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, author of Love and Respect, explains, “When a wife respects her husband, and a husband sacrificially loves his wife, it creates a powerful cycle of mutual submission and fulfillment.”
 
Submission is about trusting one another’s strengths and leadership. For example, a husband may lead in one area of life, while the wife may take charge in another. Submission becomes an expression of teamwork, where both partners recognize and honor each other’s God-given roles. As Dr. Gary Chapman points out in The Five Love Languages, “Submission is not about power; it’s about empowering one another to be the best versions of yourselves.”
 
Modern research supports the concept of mutual submission. Studies published in the Journal of Family Psychology reveal that couples who share decision-making and practice mutual respect report higher levels of satisfaction and fewer conflicts. Submission becomes less about hierarchy and more about creating balance and unity in the relationship.
 
It’s important to recognize that submission does not mean tolerating abuse or neglect. Healthy submission is rooted in love, trust, and mutual care, where both partners prioritize each other’s well-being. As Dr. Tim Keller writes in The Meaning of Marriage, “Real love is when you give your partner what they need the most, even when they deserve it the least.”
 
Ultimately, submission in marriage is an invitation to serve one another with humility and grace. It’s a practice of putting the relationship above individual desires, leading to a bond that is not only enduring but also deeply fulfilling.
 
Submission?  I think so.